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i'm sitting on my bed
beside me is the suicide note
that i wrote last night

but i am still here

i hold the paper in my shaking hands
wondering where god was
wondering where anyone was
wondering why i swallowed the pills
wondering why i purged them

i couldn't tell anyone
how bad the depression had gotten
because i am supposed to be better now

i didn't know how to ask for help
i didn't want to be the girl
who always needed saving

so i kept it inside
living a double life
my own private hell

i placed the pills on my tongue
and laid down to die

::

in the darkness i reached for the phone
and the tears came fast
i don't know what i've done
i whispered
what she said i don't remember
i was clinging to her voice on the other end
just enough to get me through the night